for all of you who dont know or whatever, i have been cutting myself for quite some time but had recently stopped. it has been quite a few months, but still i have the the cravings and the desire to still cut when i am depressed. i am writing now because i am struggling again..and i dont feel comfortable turning to brian when he thinks i am doing so well. i feel bad, like i am a failure to him. but the urges are so so hard. iwant to go hide. and cut. feel great for a bit and then feel bad but somewhat relieved. i wish it was just as easy as saying i will stop and never think about it again but it is not. it is a permanent part of my life that i will never forget and i dont know if iwill ever stop thinking about it as a source of relief.